


Team SG-Thor

by Neuriel (Robin)



Series: SG-Thor [1]
Category: Stargate - All Series, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Fanart, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-21
Updated: 2007-10-21
Packaged: 2018-01-23 23:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robin/pseuds/Neuriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Stargate Powers That Be discard some of their characters like used tissues, the tissues band together to form their own SG team.</p>
<p>Crack!fic. SG-1/Atlantis crossover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Team SG-Thor

**Author's Note:**

> Title: "Team SG-Thor"  
> By: Robin  
> Rating: PG-13  
> Spoilers: All of _Stargate SG-1_ , including the series finale, and _Atlantis_ Season 4 through "Lifeline."  
>  Note: Originally published October 21, 2007.

Elizabeth Weir, Aiden Ford, and Jonas Quinn sat at a table with Thor.

Ford, who had never seen an Asgard in real life before, stared. He wondered if Asgard tasted like Wraith.

Thor stared back, slowly blinking his large black eyes. He wondered if half-Wraith/half-human tasted like chicken.

"You may be wondering why you are all here," Thor said.

"No, it's pretty obvious," Ford said. "It's the 'We got fucked over by the Stargate powers' club."

"It's nice to see that you're alive," Elizabeth said to Jonas. (From reading the SGC mission reports, she knew who he was, despite never having met him personally.) "I wasn't sure, what with that brief 'hey, our allies on Langara were taken over by the Ori' line made in passing."

Jonas had a dark look on his face, clearly thinking uncharacteristically mean thoughts about the writers of that particular episode.

Thor smote them all with his hammer to get their attention. They blinked.

"Lieutenant Ford is quite correct in his assessment," Thor said, serene once more. "As you have been abandoned for dead, or whatever, by the Stargate powers, I have decided that you should all form your own SG team."

"Why?" Jonas said.

"... Because I said so," Thor said, obviously not anticipating that he would be second-guessed. He did not say that he had been abandoned by the Stargate powers, too. So far, none of the three had questioned why he was still alive, and he preferred to leave it that way. Besides, he really wanted to command an SG team. SG-Thor!

"There are only three of us," Ford pointed out. "Most SG teams have four."

"Some have five," Jonas said, trying not to sound bitter, "even though that was their excuse as to why I couldn't stay."

"Their excuse was that you were a Daniel clone," Elizabeth said.

"I'm much nicer than Daniel," Jonas said, which was true enough. "Anyway, that didn't stop them from duplicating Jack twice."

Thor momentarily thought about a foursome with himself, Jack, Jack Jr. (Cameron), and Jack Wannabe (John). Somewhere, an Ascended being shuddered in disgust.

"Do not fear," Thor said. "There will be a fourth member. You will make a most excellent team. A half-human/half-Wraith, a half-human/half-Replicator, a half-human/half-uber-human, and..." He paused for effect. "A half-human/half-Goa'uld!"

Martouf popped out of nowhere. Thor beamed, looking at the three expectantly.

Elizabeth, Jonas, and Ford, however, were confused. "Who's that?"

Thor frowned. He had forgotten they would not recognize Martouf on sight. "This is Martouf. He is a Tok'ra. I brought him back from the dead. I originally thought about bringing on board Dr. Beckett, but the Stargate powers will have him appear in several more episodes, despite his death, so I feel that Martouf is a good alternative."

"Oh, he was one of Sam's old flames," Jonas said, remembering the name.

Elizabeth twitched at the name "Sam."

"I wonder if Goa'uld tastes like Wraith," Ford mused.

"Being un-dead is strange," Martouf said to no one in particular. "Oh, hey, Lantash is here, too!"

"Yes, Lantash is now wrapped back around your brain stem," Thor said, pleased that _someone_ was happy.

"Awesome," Martouf said. Clearly, being brought back to life had addled his brain temporarily. Or maybe that was Lantash.

"So, my SG-Thor team is complete," Thor said. "I shall give you goodies and weapons, and a ship, and you can go forth across the universe to search for a way for the Asgard to reproduce." He did not add that only he was the only remaining Asgard.

The half-humans looked at him.

"What if we don't want to?" Ford said.

Thor smote him.

"Ow!"

"The team leader will be Elizabeth, of course," Thor said.

"But she's a Replicator!" Jonas protested, recalling his own run-ins with the things.

"What, you think _you're_ grounded enough to be leader?" Ford said. "You're a total airhead."

"At least I'm not _crazy_ ," Jonas retorted.

Martouf, who was busy reading all of the _SG-1_ and _Atlantis_ episode summaries to acquaint himself with his new team members, did not participate in the argument.

"Elizabeth is prettiest," Thor said firmly, ending the discussion. "And most sane, despite her Replicatorness."

Elizabeth smiled. "I've always wanted to be a space bounty hunter."

"Really, ma'am?" Ford said.

"Sure, why not?"

Jonas thought. "I guess it beats being relegated from regular cast member to doesn't-even-deserve-to-be-called-by-his-name status."

"Alien women are always very beautiful," Martouf said, having nothing else useful to add. "And I like being alive again."

"Maybe I'll find some alternate meat to Wraith," Ford said reluctantly.

"Good! It is settled," Thor said. He pressed a button, and the four were instantly wearing new uniforms. Black, of course, being the most flattering (read: hottest) color. Even Ford, with his freaky half-deformed face, looked good.

"Nice," Elizabeth said. She admired the way the uniform showed off her body without being slutty.

"Now, you will take the ship, the Carter -"

Elizabeth twitched visibly.

"Er... I mean, the Teal'c."

More twitching from some of the team.

"The... Freya?"

Martouf frowned.

"Good lord, people. Can't I use _any_ name without it rubbing you the wrong way?" Thor thought for a moment. "What about the Athena?"

No one twitched this time.

"Good."

So the four half-humans, armed with deadly weapons, the best technology, and lots of food (Jonas was happy), boarded the Asgard ship, the Athena. They went off in search of hot aliens, Wraith-substitutes, and ways for the Asgard to reproduce.

What marvelous adventures will SG-Thor have? Whatever they are, they'll certainly be better than what the four would be doing otherwise in the Stargate universe.

\-------------------------------  
Ze end

Also, a banner I made for "Team SG-Thor"! 


End file.
